Rivers in the Wasteland

Tis the season for busy schedules, lots of cooking, buying gifts and holiday cheer, but not for everyone. Reflecting on my past holidays, I spent many of them sad because of what I felt like I couldn’t contribute or what I wish I could do for my family that just wasn’t possible financially. I would be sad and carry a burden I was not supposed to bear.

A scripture I visited regularly was Isaiah 43:19:

“I am doing something new; it’s springing up — can’t you see it? I am making a road in the desert, rivers in the wasteland.”

I knew that God could make rivers in the wasteland, but the waiting was difficult. We still had faith, but that did not make it easier. We even named our 2nd daughter Hyland in 2019 in the middle of the desert as we believed for ascent.  

I started therapy in 2020 and learned about the Ladder of Emotions. The ladder lists emotions from the lowest to highest and you identify what made you feel those emotions. This was my process to rise from the despair of leaving my parents and going back home to climb up to feel some joy. I would journal a lot in the wasteland and I wrote this leaving my parents home in Texas and going back home:

“I am sad to have to leave. I hate to have to go back home. But more than any of these feelings, I am grateful for my husband. I am grateful for his efforts and sacrifices. I am grateful for his love and laughs. I am grateful for the two babies we have together. I am grateful for the life we have together. I will never let anything seem like it can be better than that for me. It won’t be. Wherever I am, with him it’s better, it’s enough. I want him to always know that with him, it’s always enough.”

There at the bottom of the ladder was where I would feel my lowest, which usually involved feelings of hopelessness, depression, grief. At the top was joy. My family brought me joy. Acknowledging my husband and my children would shift my focus from the things I hoped for not going my way. Also, it helped me to learn to be content in all circumstances. If I cannot enjoy my family because of a lack of material things, even once I have it I will be looking for more.  Enjoy life, even if it takes work with or without it. Have faith in God! 

I say all this to encourage you to do the same. You may not be in a place you hope for physically, financially, or emotionally, but count your blessings. What brings you joy? What helps you shift your focus? Write it down and appreciate those people or even that healthy activity that may help you decompress. I see therapy and the results of it on my mental health was a river in the wasteland. Learning how to cope and take care of myself was most definitely God given revelation for me. All of this is not ignoring your current issues, this is not in place of seeking Jesus, but this is to help your body and mind to find rivers in the wasteland. This is so even in the middle of unfavorable circumstances, you bear fruit.